Friday, February 27, 2009

Purple Shirt of the Week: The Enforcer

Well there, Purple People, it's time for another installment of your
favorite blog. I know, i know, i missed last week. some weeks i get
a little late and slipshod, but last week just blew by with nothing.
Mia culpa.

I know when i am late or missing posting, because i actually start
hearing about it from people. Multiple people. Which tells me that
you people need to get out and go do something, just as badly as I
need to.

The person who really brings down the law is Katie, because I see her
almost every day. (Laura also facebooks me regularly about my missing
posts too, but i don't have a purple pic of her to share...HINT)

So if you want to know what a skull-busting enforcer that would bring
a Terminator to its knees looks like, here you go.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Purple Shirt of the Week: Strong Like Bull

Or maybe that's "full of bull"...

Sorry for the missing post on Friday. I was unloading road cases from
a 42 foot semi (and then putting them back on said truck) so I never
got to it. And with the long weekend...that now makes this a doubled-
up week.

Whew, hope you can handle that much purple.

Anyway, I'm a rather buff individual, so all that work was pretty
easy. I could have done it all myself, but it's more fun with a
friend... Actually, it was "bring a friend to the theatre" night this
weekend - anyone of hale body was needed, to get this show loaded out
as fast as possible (16 local crew on load in, for your reference).
But I have no friends, only imaginary people i pretend to talk to on
blog posts as if someone's reading. Kind of like writing to your
diary in 6th grade about how you kissed Michael Cantore after the're writing to a book, it can't talk back, and you'd be
mortified if someone who could actually respond read it - like your
mother, OMG...

*I never kissed a boy, liked it, or got involved with lip balm
fetishes. Any similarities to people living or dead are
coincidental. Michael was a popular kid in my class growing up, and I
think every girl in the class had a huge crush on him, even going so
far as to stage a production of a 2nd grade reunion when we were in
6th grade or so. Therefore, for this blog, i think he's into guys
now, just for the irony of it. I've just recently started talking to
people from grammar school, so what's a little dream crushing if they
read this, eh? (And if i've accidentally outed someone i've not seen
in 25 years from before we knew what boy and girl parts were and who
will never read, i'm sorry. It just slipped out.)
Actually, no, he's probably married with 7 kids and living on a farm
with a small wooden house in Minnesota.

Oh wait, that was Michael Landon...

Friday, February 6, 2009

Purple Shirt of the Week: A Cautionary Tale

So, you know how you see someone with a bright purple shirt, and
you're all like "Now that's a nice purple shirt!"? The color
admiration doesn't always extend to other items.

A few years ago, my sister gave me a full set of purple luggage. It's
bright. I mean, not the "subtle color of purple, like dark eggplant,
that sometimes you see on the baggage return belt that makes it a
little different from all the black bags." No friends, this is the
"hey everyone, look at the GUY with the FLAMING PURPLE MATCHING

I should also point out that I received this gift immediately after I
got off stage at an out of town show we were playing. Big gift-
wrapped pile waiting for me in the middle of the audience.

But I love my sister, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't prone to
calling attention to myself in various ways, so I just played it as
par for the course. Which it was, and is. But initially, I was a bit
hesitant to embrace it. It was like grammar school all over again,
when I would beg and plead with my parents to let me wear docksiders
and white socks with my parochial school uniform, because that's what
everyone else who was a boy wore. And I was the kid with polished
loafers and dark green or black socks on a casual day. Don't even get
me started about being the ONLY kid who wore the uniform in gym class
until like 7th grade...

Anyway, this week I had to fly to Austin, TX. Simple enough, except I
was leaving via a little airport in White Plains, NY (international
designation my ass, it has 4 gates and you have to go outside onto the
tarmac) where the bit of flurries we got messed up incoming and
outgoing flights. Long story short (to late, I know), my flight was
delayed and I was left with a 3 minute layover in Detroit. So I took
the airline's offer to just reschedule the whole mess for the
following day.

"Your checked luggage has already been put on board. What color is
your luggage, so the crew can find it and return it to you?"

Proudly, I pronounced "Flaming Purple," much to her amusement and the
people around me. They found it in no time, and I was on my way back
home to wake for the 5am flight that I had been trying to avoid all

Either it was the luggage, or the roadcase of camera equipment and
wireless transmitters and receivers that doomed the rest of my trip.
Or the sudden changes to my flight itinerary, despite it being at the
airline's own hands. Anyway, I proceeded to get pulled aside for
"Special Search" all through my trip. Maybe it was the whole "same
name as an Irish bank robber wanted for millions even though he's like
30 years my senior". So I ended up getting groped by Homeland
Security at every checkpoint in my trip, having my carry-on laptop bag
and roadcase emptied out and swabbed constantly, and at one point
having the security lady take out a wireless receiver, with the dual
antenna and odd knobs and apparatus, and look at it weird and call her
supervisor over. Hell, I couldn't even check in electronically with
my flight number, and they had to over-ride the check-in system to let
me get on the flipping plane! But I'm used to that; never in my life
have I been allowed to breeze through check-in and scan my ticket/
punch in my flight number and move to the next line. And you thought I
stood out only for my love of purple? Nope. Sure, the woman next to
me who also got called for "special search" got the electronic wand.
Not me, I got Roman Hands to inspect me personally, can you please
close my laptop up because it's turning on and i want to save my
battery power so I don't have to sit between a drink vending machine
and a garbage can again outside the men's room because I'm trying to
leech off the power outlet.

At least my friend Ellen (you remember her from last week) bought me
fleecy purple socks that I'm wearing home. Thank you, they're comfy!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Purple Shirt of the Week: Wanted: One princess, with size 6 shoe

I know, I get confused for Prince Charming ALL THE TIME. I'm just
kinda used to it now.

Here's a submission from someone who didn't want to be online, but
wears more purple than you and I put together. So she gave me one of
her shoes in proxy. But then when I went to return it to her, she'd

Does this fit you? Trying to find my purple princess!